@theoddtech and I played around with it a bunch yesterday. The non-working 4 slot is an MV-4F.
Pulled the unibios out of the non working MV-4F and it's worked perfectly.
Tried burning the unibios onto another chip in case maybe it had been corrupt or something. Soon as we put the unibios back in it was exhibiting all the same crashes and refusal to get into the menu symptoms.
Put the stock bios back in and it works perfectly. I'm just leaving that in there for now.
This morning I tried putting the unibios in the MVH 4 slot, and it experienced all of the same crashes. Put back the stock bios and everything works fine again.
So now I have it fully working with 3 different 4 slots (two different models, MVH and MV-4F). But it outright does not work with the unibios.